I thought I’d heard everything there was to hear in this job. But today we had a call that was so bizarre and horrible that it left us speechless.

A woman committed suicide. She didn’t use one of the “normal” methods like cutting her wrists or overdosing. She didn’t even go for the more dramatic jumping under a train or hanging herself. No, she choked herself to death with a large quantity of marshmallows.

It was the sort of call that you look at and think “no… this can’t be… they’ll get there and it’ll all be a misunderstanding. Or a hoax. She couldn’t possibly have…”

But she had. The call was exactly as given. She was already dead by the time the crew arrived.

We often like to share a bag of Flumps on the East Central during nightshifts, but I think we’ll be giving them a miss from now on.